Catholic Exchange Forums » Faith and Life

What does it mean to be a catholic parent to you?

(37 posts)
  • Started 1 year ago by angels4cindy
  • Latest reply from angels4cindy

1 2
angels4cindy - Inactive
What is the most important thing to you about being a catholic parent?  Are there times when you feel like you aren't getting it right?  I know that I do.  I have four wonderful children varying in ages; 20, 17, 11, & 8.   We sent our 20 year old to catholic school through 8th grade (and let the school teach her about the catholic religion), but I feel that my younger children have received a better catholic education (because they attend public school) and we are involved in our parish prep program.  I have been a prep teacher for the last 5 years and have grown in my catholic faith along with my children.  To me passing down our catholic faith to my children is one of the most important things to me about being a catholic mom.
I am looking for other catholic parents to give me their viewpoint on what it means to be a catholic parent today.  I want to share this information in my prep class.  Thank you and God bless.   Cindy

Posted 1 year ago #
lpioch - Moderator

For myself, the greatest part of being a Catholic parent is that I am NOW truly learning, through my children, about my own relationship with God my Father and what that truly means.

For myself, being a parent forces me to be a better person (a better Catholic) because I have to set an example now for little people that study me (eventhough often it seems they are ignoring me).

For myself, being a parent makes me understand my own faith better - because you have to truly understand your Faith to be able to explain it to a child on their level without it sounding empty and fluffy.

But the most important thing about being a catholic parent is that I have these little souls only for a short amount of time.  They are not mine...they have been given to me to care for and nurture so that they can be given back to God ready to receive Him fully.  They are a gift to me that I in no way own or rule.  They are God's and he loves them more than I do.  The task to prepare them to be adult souls who love God in Truth is the most daunting, but most important part of being a catholic parent.

Posted 1 year ago #
Tarheel - Member

Being a catholic parent in today's world is difficult but it is the best way to be a parent.  Mainly because in our position as role models fro our children, we are driven to learn more about our faith and that in turn makes us better catholics.

 

My wife and I have raised two sons (ages 20 and 15) in a catholic home.  Six years ago my wife suggested that I become a CCD teacher and teach CCD in the grade that our oldest son was teaching.  That made me become a better catholic as I had to learn more about my own faith and Church.  Being a convert this as much a challenge as it was fun.  Now six years later I'm still teaching.  I have found that I learn as much from the children as they learn form me.

 

Both our son's attended public schools.  And attend the CCD programs at our parish.  As for the quality of religious education they received really depends on what kind of reenforcement of that teaching when they get home.  This is true for all kids.  I have seen all too often that many parents just don't teach religion at home.  The main concept is go to Mass on Sunday and learn there.  There is more to mass than sitting in a pew.  Sadly I would give the majority of parents a 'D' as a grade for religious instruction.  As a catechist I have found that some parents are teaching (inadvertently) their children to be institutional catholics.  The idea that "We are Catholic so you must be too." doesn't work well.  Mom, Dad please teach your children the "why's" of catholicism.  Our Church is a living breathing entity and it needs active members not pew fodder.  And you will make my job easier.

 

To more directly respond to your request (Sorry I found my soap box) here are just a few things of what it means to be a catholic parent.

 

1. Our Church is universal.  Catholics all around the world worship pretty much the same.  You can visit a church and attend mass in a foreign country and still know what is happening. 

2.  The Church has a clear stand on abortion and we teach abstinence.  Not safe sex but abstinence.

3.  Our practices don't change just because we get a new priest.

4.  Marriage is a sacrament and not something done because it felt like a good idea at the time.

 

One last thing I will add about being a catholic parent in today's society.  Our teachings prepare our children with a strong basis to ward off and survive all the "evil" they will face when they leave home.

Posted 1 year ago #
MattyMattyChooChoo - Inactive

I'm married, but I'm not a parent yet.  

 

My parents did pretty well in raising me, my brother, and my sister to be faithful Catholics, so I think I have one up on a lot of people.  

Catholic parenthood has several facets, in my mind.   (In random order)

1.  Love mommy (my wife) and give our kids a living example of a holy marriage.

2.  Teach our kids how to pray.

3.  Don't shelter them from all harm, but teach them how and why to be moral and live by the teachings of the Church.

4.  Teach them to think, study, research, and make their own arguments.  Take President Reagan's approach when learning, "Trust with verification".

5.  Let them make mistakes and learn from them.  

6.  Teach modesty.

7.  Teach them to be convicted.

8.  Remember that they are children, and "Grey's Anatomy" and "American Pie" are not even appropriate for adults.  

9.  Be available to my children and spend time with them.  Do not raise latch-key kids.  

10.  Set boundaries for them.  Don't let them stay up as late as they want and eat all the junk they want.

11.  Tell them everyday that I love them.  

12.  Be an example of living my faith in all aspects of life.  

13.  Know their friends.

14.  Eat dinner together every night. 

 

I probably left out a few, or several, but that's all I could think of right now.

Posted 1 year ago #
DavidT.Garrison - Inactive

I pray we would teach chastity and not abstinence.

I pray for the humility I need to be a Catholic, that is what I lack the most.

 I think the greatest, most important gift a parent can give their child is prayer. I am not in control, God is. Speak to Him, he is real.

From prayer God will do the rest.

Often times we hear that this one found God or that one accepted Jesus as his/her personal savior. I listended to a priest from Life on the Rock-EWTN who also at a time thought he found God but in actuality God was never lost. He seeks us. All we need to do is be quiet, listen and do whatever he says.

Prayer is the greatest example we can provide a child, spouse or family.

Posted 1 year ago #
angels4cindy - Inactive
Thank you so much for your insight.  I can relate to what you said and believe the same.  My children are truly a gift from God and my gift back God.  I pray everyday that our walk will glorify God.  Blessings, Cindy 
Posted 1 year ago #
noelfitz - Member

Angels4cindy

It was good to hear from you. Your post is very encouraging.  I hope we will hear from  you frequently in the future.

God bless,


NoelFitz.
_________________________________________________
In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
_________________________________________________

Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member

The greatest gift a catholic parent can give his children is to lead them to faith (through prayer) and pray God grants them that faith.

 

Also, to teach them obediance and to God and submission to his will aka humility.

 

So a catholic parent should pray for humility and holiness because childeren watch and see all we do ... once in a while they listen to what we say.

Posted 1 year ago #

I have nothing of more value to offer my own children then the Catholilc faith.  If it doesn't point to Jesus Christ in some way, it probably isn't worth it.  He is the Word, the Alpha, the Omega, the High Priest, the Victim, the Lamb of God, the Light of the World, the Bread of Life, the Refuge of Sinners ...

I'd rather have my kids remain Catholic, even if it means me losing touch with them.  Their souls are priceless and redeemed by Christ.  Through Christ, they become like unto God.  There is nothing more I need for them than for them to be like God.  For God is love.  God is life.  God is all!

GK - God is good!

Posted 1 year ago #
Protect the Rock - Moderator

As a Catholic father, my job is to get my children to heaven; for them to become who they were created to be. It is uniquely my role to influence their lives so they grow to know Him. love Him, and serve Him in this world so they can be happy with Him forever in the next.

Only in as much as I can relive and represent our heavenly Father am I a father at all.

Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member

I heard this from Bishop Sheens programs rather strange to hear it.

Send your children to public schools if you want them to keep the faith.

Send them to Catholic schools if you want them to lose the faith.  

What kind of advice is this?  Well, after you mentioned that your 20 yr old is not doing as well as the rest who are in public schools I guess it rang a bell with that statement.  

If you are faithful to Christ and it radiates, your children will see this and spur them to be faithful to Christ it doesn't really matter where they go to school.  As long as they know Christ from a young age, having formed a virtuous conscience they are able to discern. Love is the key ingredient from the heart rather than lip service superficial love.  One other thing is what David mentioned, a family that prays together stays together attitude.  Rosary Rosary Rosary.  


Teach them about the Holy Spirit and how to listen to Him and feel Him, at a young age this takes hold and remains deep in the soul. The Spirit makes things happen. Arm them with Gods Word, have a read-along in group.  Expand as you expand. Become one with them in Spirit, after all they are more than just your children they will become grown ups and citizens of Heaven.

Peace 

 

Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member
Bishop sheen lived long ago ... myself I plan on sending my children to 'home school'
Posted 1 year ago #
lpioch - Moderator

Ah...homeschool.

Please pray for my family as it is divided on this issue. 

I would love to homeschool my kids.  At least until middle or high school. 

And in Massachusetts (now that it is LEGAL for gay marriage), it is now LAW that the homosexual agenda MUST be taught, even as early as kindergarten...I cannot, in good conscience, put my children in such an ugly environment at such a young age.

So we're in Catholic school, and I'm continually praying that it remain - at least - NOT contradictory to what they have been (are being) taught at home. 

My 8 year old, just a few days ago, came and asked me if I would homeschool him.  My heart breaks a little to have to tell him NO.

Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member
Ipioch -- why do you have to tell him no? finances? Just curious.
Posted 1 year ago #
lpioch - Moderator

Why?  Well, I love my hubby dearly.  WE just don't see eye to eye.  He is 100% opposed to homeschooling. 

His greatest argument against (greatest in my eyes...not his) is that our children will not be exposed to as many potentially-influencing people in their early lives.  This is particularly poignant for him, as it was his 2nd grade teacher that encouraged him to learn to play guitar - something his mother never would have thought of or suggested. 

His greatest argument against (greatest in his eyes) is the lack of socialization.  (particularly because my oldest...the 8 year old...is quite unsocial if you have 3 or more around)

I have gone blue in the face showing him all the support that is out there (we live in the suburbs of a big city...there's TONS of homeschooling groups around for socializing - not to mention his 2 siblings and a few of our neighbors).  We have gone so far as to meet some of them.  The stigma in his mind is just too great (he has a friend that was homeschooled for a couple of years 20+ years ago) that I or anyone or anything else cannot overcome it. 

I have prayed deeply and often about it.  I have put it in God's hands...if it is to be, then HE needs to change my husband's mind. 

So far, things are going ok at the parochial school.  I just see it as a huge waste of money, and I keep hoping and praying that it will not in some way damage them spiritually in the end.  And I'm a presence at the school - so that can help, but who knows how far that will go.

{for instance, I was successful at rewriting the stupid Talking About Touching curriculum so that it isn't morally offensive, and even potentially helpful.}

All I'm praying is that we do God's will in all this.  And I have no option but to make my best case before hubby - yet find a grounds for agreement.  It is often (albeit with much friction) that God's will is hubby's and not mine.  Strange how that works, eh?  The pride certainly doesn't take it well.

Posted 1 year ago #
MattyMattyChooChoo - Inactive

I am 27 and was homeschooled all but 3rd-5th grade.  My dad and I opened a business earlier this year teaching kids how to cook.  I own my own business keeping track of databases for a local political campaign.  I cantor Gregorian Chant at Mass, am part of the leadership group for the diocesan young adults group, belong to a local NFP group in which we will give talks for marriage prep about the positive impact NFP has made in our marriage.

 

Because I was homeschooled, I was exempt from child-labor laws and was able to get a job at the local CiCi's pizza at 14 years old.  My boss owned the franchise and taught me how to be a good boss.  I had that job for 3 years.  I started my first business at the age of 20, as a sound and light board operator and equipment technician for local area rock bands.  I worked 6 nights a week for about $25 per hour.  I was completely freelance.  

 

When I was homeschooled, it was illegal in the state of Texas.  Our next door neighbors, and lifelong friends of my parents, homeschooled as well and encouraged my parents to do the same. 

 

Since homeschooling has been legalized nationwide, more and more families have come to the realization that it is a far superior alternative to public and even most private schools.  Homeschooled children no longer need to worry about a lack of socialization.  My mom started a Catholic homeschool group when I was in High school, and I had plenty of friends.  Now, Catholic homeschool groups are part of nearly every parish.  I played sports through the YMCA with the same teams for 10 years.  I joined the youth program at our parish and had plenty of friends through high school. 

 

I'd say the one thing that differs from many public and private schoolers in my socialization is I didn't make a lot of friends with public schoolers.  Even in high school, they liked to drink on the weekends, if they weren't politically or religiously apathetic, they were liberal.  They spewed socialist nonsense and political correctness that their teachers filled their heads with.  I didn't feel comfortable because they generally didn't have their lives centered on anything but themselves.  This is not true of all, but is, in my experience, the majority of public and private school kids mentality.  They do what is expected of them by secular society.  My whole life, I got along with and conversed with adults far better and more often than I did with kids my own age.  I could partake in adult conversations, follow, give my own input, and be taken seriously.  

 

The biggest educational difference I have found between homeschoolers I've met and public/private schoolers is homeschoolers are generally taught not only that something is right or wrong, but WHY it is right or wrong.  Homeschoolers are trained to research, explore, and decide for themselves.  Public/private schoolers are taught to regurgitate.  

 

As a 27 year old, I have plenty of friends, and I am in a far better place spiritually than most of my friends from high school and jr. high.  They're all unhappy, alcoholic, drug addicted, divorced, etc. because they still look to find happiness within themselves rather than looking to God, something my mother taught me through homeschooling and their teachers were not allowed to teach.    

 

The most important benefit over all is the strong sense of family that is fostered through homeschooling.  Mom spends all day at home and invests all the time and effort, as well as sacrificing the would-be added income if she worked.  She takes more interest in her kids and works harder to ensure they get a good education and learn to glorify God.  The siblings learn to help each other and be more responsible by incorporating household chores and homebuilding projects.  When I was 14, my dad and I tore down our patio cover and built a new one.  That was called "Shop Class".  Not only do the students learn, but they bond with their parents/teachers.  We ate dinner together every single night.  The TV was off and in the other room.  When we all still lived at home, dinner lasted 1-2 hours each night.  Dad always asked what we learned that day, what projects we worked on, what we did with out friends.  My parents knew all of our friends and their parents, all through high school.  

While these are not all exclusive to homeschoolers, they are more regularly benefits and products of homeschooling families.  Like I said before, I was homeschooled nearl my entire life, and my wife and I have already agreed that we will homeschool our children when we have them if God so chooses to bless us with children.  

Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member

Ipoch -- I'm not going to say much, other then a quick, prayer for you because this sounds like it is out of your hands.

 

I'd like to point out however "His greatest argument against (greatest in my eyes...not his) is that our children will not be exposed to as many potentially-influencing people in their early lives"

 

Is a double edge sword.  More people , more influence, the influences are randomly choosen and just or more likely to be bad as good.  Maybe a really great teacher, maybe a really greate teacher who is a child molester.  Besides that what about the peer pressure to be reblious against your parents , to do drugs ,to have sex etc.

 

Oh well, I don't want to disturb your peace on the issue.  God bless.

Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member
Fishman,

Bishop Sheen is in Heaven he is still alive.
He may have a point.  
Fear factor, fear causes your loved ones to bounce and retract.
Love casts out fear.
For fear we do things.
Holy Fear says God I don't want to be corrupted and I want it to stay clear from me as I am staying clear of it.
Be fearful of Lusts, Pride, Greed and these things.

Peace
Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member

bhokuto - no doubt , but the saying of his which was quoted has to be understood in the historical context it was made in.  Today in public school children are encouraged to be homosexaul and told believe homosexuality is a sin is bigotry ( the lessons can start in kindergarten) they are taught to use contraception in 'health' class and forced into all kind of awkward social situations by the adults in authority over them to get them to see things the way the rest of the WORLD does.

 

 

Posted 1 year ago #
JosephMary - Moderator

Ave Maria!

 

I homeschooled for a while.  And so was able to teach my son English and Grammer and all our subjects had Catholic overtones with Seton Homechool.  There were many activities for him and he played tennis and was on a basketball teasm and things like that.   But he finished up in the high school.  We had to take our sons out of 'catholic' school because of an abuse situation which is probably why, as young men now, they are still Catholic. I took the Marian Catechist course and prepared them for confirmation in the next diocese as well.  I see none of the kids from the 'catholic' school that are their age at Mass.

 sigh

Posted 1 year ago #
lpioch - Moderator

fishman,

I appreciate the prayers.  I think that is the only way to go.  I have to leave the "worry" up to God otherwise it all becomes vanity of vanities.

I do find that in this past week, the issue of homeschooling has come up in 3 completely unrelated instances.  Keep the prayers going...and ask that my husband and I both be open to the answer - whatever it may be!

Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member
fishman,

While I 100% agree with you, if we are taken out of the picture -- no light to a world in darkness. We might as well tell St. Peter who ran against the tide and wolves you were wrong.

Peace
Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member
bhokuto
 - I wasn't saying he was wrong in context, only that the context has changed. 
Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member
I know fishman,

Here's the test of faith, it's tough. Jesus never said it was easy nor not to ever not count the cost.

We love our children and are responsible for their welfare, but God calls us Christians to a higher life of living, that is to trust Him completely.  What to do?  Descretion? Wisdom? Prayer?

Ok we have Faith Hope Charity the founding stones of Virtue which is Alive and Living we can call on them all day long using them stretching the limits of our barriers to even greater boundaries to finally be free in God to fully say "I Trust in You"  For without Faith it is direly impossible to please God.  Just to believe is sitting idle, St. James says Faith with works, but really an active Faith in the works.  For God does all things by Faith.  Jesus said it Himself, oh ye of little Faith.  

At the sametime we do not throw our children out into the fire unprepared.  As with many.  Such as myself.  I found God in the World or God found me is the correct answer and I responded to His call.
This world is Gods oyster who allows for certain things to happen for a reason and to make us wise and strong.  

I was not born into faith I was found in the world.

Peace
Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member

bhokuto - I understand.  I was raised by parents who were lukewarm at best ( we went to church on easter and christmas until I was in 4th grade at least).  My expiernce of many beating while in the public school and my continued nessesity to define catholic teaching ( at first simply because I was assocated it , later because I believed it ) agianst the questions of the prodomantly protestant ( Lutheran) peers was a great power in my conversion towards God and is one factor that helps me be fervant event today.

 

Still , that is one example of God accomplishing his plan , dispite evil , God take even the most wicked situtation and can redeem it for good.

 

That does not mean we as parents are in the right to expose our children to unnessary danger.

 

The greatest thing that can be learned in any modern school setting is how to 'get along' in the world.  It is the worst less as well, depending on how it is learned.  We as catholic parents need to teach our children to be 'of the world' and NOT ' in the world' .

 

Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member
I understand completely fishman,

We cannot deny God of His childrens welfare at the sametime.  I look at God as the All Father of all souls.  The world as a large field with plantings called seeds to become Great Trees which bears fruit for Him to eat.

I remember somewhere that God decides when and where we cease living on this Earth.

When we are tossed about to and fro it's like God holding us upside down while He is shaking out the garbage.

Peace
Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member

Yes, out of love of God all good comes.

 

Still, simply because my faith is stronger after I have been abused , does no mean I should willingly put my children to the same test.  That is for God to decide, and I will protect them from harm as I am able and guided , by prayer, for love and not out of fear.

 

As an asside, I think it much more effecient for the learning of 'mans knowledge' ( aka reading ,writing, mathmatics , science) if the number of students does not greatly exceed 5 in a classroom.  So homeschooling is more effecient at acomplishing the 'stated' goal of public school which does not have the funding to teach with maximum effectiveness , because that effective is balanced against economics.

 

 

Posted 1 year ago #
bhokuto - Member
Agreed,  public schools can cause certain urks, but that all pans out over time.  Weeding through, the question is for Christians.  What do you think is best for your child?  Different strokes for different folks.  You can always weigh good and bad in either case.  In the end if God is your king it doesn't really matter.  For we are looking for the end result that is a mature soul.

Peace
Posted 1 year ago #
fishman - Member
bhokuto - yeah, I agree, and I think look at the ability to homeschool as a luxary many can't afford.  I would it were availible as an option to all.  I'd advocate reform of the current system as well, because there needs to be an option for those who's wealth of time , talent , confidance, ect does not allow them to personally educate there children.
Posted 1 year ago #
Zachaeus - Member
I taught in the public system for 21 years. It was considered an open school and religion was a non-factor. Students who sought out other Christians were allowed to do so unfettered. Four years ago I accepted a position in the Catholic school that I had sent my children to. I was shocked at the anti-Catholic culture  I found there. Religion was a big deal and most students hated it. The majority of the teachers felt that they could not teach their homerooms the required religion cuuriculum. Instead the classes became coloring opportunities and/or additional core subject classes when needed. The school held tightly to a philosophy of "Christ centered" education and the school had many religious events from monthly Mass to rosary recitation. We force the students to pray five times a day without teaching them the value of prayer. We force them to go to reconciliation without teaching them the value of sacrament. A typical classroom profile consists of about 50% Catholic and only 25% of those had practicing mothers who attended Mass on Sunday. After my first year I told my principal that if I could do it over again that I would not have sent my five children to Catholic School. (She wasn’t impressed!)   

I know exactly what Bishop Sheen meant when he said "if you want your children to loose their faith, send them to a Catholic school." I found myself saying these exact words. Did the Catholic school experience hurt my kids spiritually? Absolutely.  

Posted 1 year ago #

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