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At Least They Kept the Baby
(16 posts)Tough one WIP. My first response is to hope and pray that both of them realize that they need each other and will return to the Church. As for the child it deserves all the love and care it can get. Perhaps, just perhaps, when the father holds his child for the very first time it will change him.
Personally I feel like we can celebrate the gift of life and respect those that choose to support life. As for the immoral choices they have made our showing love to them and the child is not showing support for the lifestyle they have chosen. But we can use our love for them and the child to help them make the correct choice to end their immoral ways.
Tarheel
Peace
WIP
I would agree fully with Bhokuto.
Thank you for confiding in us.
I sympathize with you in this very difficult time for you and your family, and assure you of my prayers and best wishes.
God bless,
NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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WIP,
Maybe you could start them on the path to holiness by discussing Baptism...
In my parish, we have a retreat held once a year for the men and a seperate one for the women. The most predominant "revelation" of the weekend, for a father, is that the number one job is to help our children achieve paradise.
Since, the Creator has stamped us all with His image and likeness, the churchgoer as well as the sloth, possibly the love for a baby can kindle a burning desire for the Lord!
In Christ,
Remember, the Sun is always shining!
Yeah, wip, tough one. You've gotten good advice so far. Charity is never wrong; love is never wrong. They may be defeated by their opposites, but they are never wrong.
Tarheel's hope is a real possibility depending on whether your son is open to it. Having once been a father for the first time, I can tell you it's an endelible experience.
Also, prayer is never wrong. God bless you.
Peace
A year ago today, my son said, "______ is pregnant." I had never met _____. My greatest fear was that I would not get to have a relationship with my first grandchild. It took some time and prayer for me to process this information.
Before I met the baby's mother, I made the choice to give them my full support. I sent her some small maternity-type gifts on her birthday. I called her a few times. I made a trip [9 hours] to meet her. [I also met her parents. They have been very gracious to my son, for which I am grateful.] Her dad happens to be a deacon in the Catholic church. They feel much the same way I do about this situation, and have decided to give their support, as well.
My son and his girlfriend moved in together in May, and the baby was born in August. Is it wrong? Yes. [But I'm finding I want this baby to have both of her parents in her life. In her DAILY life.] I was there for her birth, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Her dad, by the way, is a natural, a very good father, and crazy about his daughter from the moment she was born! [He thought he never wanted to have children. It makes me think God may have had something to do with this, somehow.]
When they moved in together, I again decided to give them my full support. Is it wrong? Yes. They already know that. So I don't say it!
When it breaks my heart, and I pray about it, I try to let my prayer be a reminder of the ways I have broken God's heart, the wrong in my own life, and His unconditional love for me, regardless. I taught myself this little phrase, and repeat it often: BABIES HAVE BEEN BORN UNDER WORSE CIRCUMSTANCES.
I also have to work at not letting any of this be about ME (or God--or the Church). It hurts. It's not what I want for any of them. But it's not my choice! You are allowed to know and respect your own boundaries, in what you can do/cannot do/can or cannot live with. My guess is that neither of them is surprised by your reaction--I'll bet your son knows you very well!!! And it sounds as though you are wanting to speak the truth into their situation.
Make plans to go fall in love with your new grandchild! Don't miss a moment of it! I have to say that when my son held his moments-old daughter up to my face in that nursery window, I came undone! I have never felt so much love and joy in my entire life, ever! Please do yourself a favor and go through this experience with as much love, passion, and understanding as you can find. That is something you will never regret!
Very moving, DebR. They live 1,600 miles away, though they have talked about moving closer to me (the grandmother they both prefer to have an active place in their lives!), so maybe that will happen. The distance (and an 8-year old at home) makes it very difficult to be present as much as I would like. I think I've said what needed to be said, though, and now it's time to open my arms and embrace this new "family". I know that my son's attitude could change with the arrival of his little girl, and I do hope and pray for that to be the case.
And I assume that is your precious grandbaby in the picture?
I'm worried about the baptism question since neither parent attends any church. Again, prayer! God bless you all and thank you for your prayers. I've seen the results of God's work "in mysterious ways"! With Him, nothing is impossible, and with a praying grandmother, who knows how His plans will unfold for that little angel.
"The Catholic Church frames the Christian life as one in which you must exercise virtue—not because virtue saves you, but because that's the way God's grace gets manifested." Dr. Francis J. Beckwith
http://www.catholicexchange.com/node/58670
WIP,
Take a look at this article regarding the baptism question.
Tough one.
Pray. I'll join you.
I don't know the dynamics of the personalities involved, or if someone has already done this, but in my opinion, a strong Catholic man needs to be very blunt with the father.
Charity, absolutely. But he needs to hear the truth about the right way of living his sexual identity as a man, the right way of entering into sexual relationships with a woman, and the right way of bringing new life into the world. And someone needs to tell him he is wrong in not stepping up to his job as a man and challenge him to do so.
Not in front of anybody else nor to make him out to be a villian, but to call him on his error and give him an honorable way to make things right. Actions have consequences and refusals to admit mistakes aggrevate the consequences.
Tacitly affirming the wrong action and removing the negative consequences is not Christian love.
What I just posted is not easy to write, but it's true. The easy thing would be to accept the bad situation and put the best face on it, but that avoids the truth. I think that is why this is so heartbreaking.
PTR--your advice rings with truth. It echos the differences between men and woman. It shows you are a strong man--a protector, a provider, a leader in your household. I would bet that your wife is the heart of your home--the lover, the joy holder, the one who sheds the tears. As with WIP and DebR. You are women and your role is to keep the lines of communication open. It is to love above all through caress, nurturing, tears. A solid Catholic man should talk to this young man to remind him, to show him, to tell him that God expects him to stand up and do what is right for his family which includes marrying the mother of his child, protecting and providing for the two of them in physical AND spiritual ways. Yes, grandma, you must be there to show them how to enjoy the new life and take care of the day to day to day details. Your husbands should be focusing their attention on your sons.
I too hope this doesn't sound harsh. I've read posts from both wip and debR and from those posts I can see that you are very faithful women. I have learned so much from reading your posts---you both seem to have great experience as parents and great love for God and His commandments. I'll pray for you both and certainly I will ponder your wisdom of how to love in difficult times as these.
Jesus, I Trust in You!
Thanks for your sound, kind responses. Yes. These issues have been addressed with our son. And here we are. It's going to be a process, and certainly they are experiencing consequences along the way.
PTR & Journey, there isn't a strong Catholic man in my son's life to guide him. His father is not Catholic nor is he strong in any faith that would prompt him to admonish our son as you suggest. My husband (the step-dad) is staying out of it, which is probably wise. I have made the statement almost exactly how PTR said it. But it is his life to live and his choices have a history of bad outcomes. I pray that they move closer to us (not IN with us!), and always I will gladly be Christ's light in thier lives. I thank you all for your prayers. The baby is due in March.
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