Catholic Exchange Forums » Faith and Life
Annulments: What if the Church Says No?
(59 posts)I hope you don't think this to be a glib response, but please pray and than watch for the signal graces that may help guide you on your path to join the "marital" relationship that we are all called to embrace.
In Christ,
Remember, the Sun is always shining!
Dwasson
it is good to hear from you here.
New voices are always welcome.
I hope yoiu will find helpful insights here.
Would it be a good idea to wait and see what happens? Then face problems if and when they arise.
God bless,
NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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If the Church says no, God says no. So read up on what true marriage is.
As I went through this myself while I was in the world not giving heed to Church teachings. But God was merciful to me. Yet there are consequences to this act. Everything we do in life such as not follow Gods commandments there is a direct consequence. It's called punishment. We may be forgiven and it may be wiped away as far as the sin is concerned but, the act of committing the sin leaves an indelible mark. Someone has to account for the crime. And there is the thing called Free Will. When we do good it's attaboy, when we do bad, it's punishment. It's like collecting good chips at the poker table, and thorns and thistles at the end of the rose garden. Plus there is no reward but harsh and severe judgement for sinning. Those are the harsh reality of sinning. Marriage is meant for a lifetime until death do us part no matter where and who you marry, inside or outside the Church.
Peace
Dwasson
I am sorry to hear about your difficulties.
A decision about annulment is not an infallible judgement. It is an opinion of a tribunal.
Would you think it would be a good idea to talk to a good canon lawyer, who could advise you?
In every court case/tribunal it is vital to present your case as well as possible and have the best possible legal advice.
God bless,
NoelFitz.
_________________________________________________
In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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Dear noelfitz, partly what I am worried about is the very fallibility of the process. If the Church does mistakenly grant an annulment, I don't want to remarry if there is the risk that by so doing I may be committing adultery. Are canon lawyers as expensive as attorneys at law?
Thanks for answering!
Sincerely,
Damon
and you do not need a lawyer if the marriage was "no consent divorce" where the marriage was mutually divorced. If someone has committed adultry(mainly not you) or left the marriage, than you are not obligated.
It's all in the details. Best thing to do is talk to your parish priest.
Peace
Dwasson
I cannot answer the questions you raise.
Bhokuto's advice is sound and agrees with mine. Get advice. Your parish priest would be a good man to consult.
God bless,
NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
_________________________________________________
My friend, Dwasson, perhaps you worry too much! This time of grieving is also an opportunity for healing. As St. Paul tells the Colossians: Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church (Col. 1:24). I have been through what you are experiencing, and "offering it up" was the last thing I wanted to be advised to do; however, it is the first thing I needed to do. Give your sufferings to Christ and trust Him. You may not get the answer you want, but remember that God never gives us anything that is not the very best for us. Whether you obtain your annulment or not, there is nothing to be gained by worry. God loves you deeply and does not want you to miss any of the grace he offers freely. We get in our own way sometimes, and reject or just pass up God's grace. Take this time to build up your faith, study scripture, examine your conscience, pray often, start saying the Rosary, learn about the saints, and ask God for the grace to accept the decision of the tribunal and the state of your life. And maybe put the annulment question on the back burner for a while. Give yourself some time.
I am not an authority, but it would seem to me that we must trust the authenticity of decisions when we follow the steps prescribed by Canon Law. I understand that a decision by the Tribunal can be contested to the Vatican, but otherwise, we should act in confidence that the decision is valid. Your obligation is to be honest with the information you provide, and to request honesty from those who are witnesses. You will have someone working with you in the process, ask questions. Talk with your priest.
Peace
"The Catholic Church frames the Christian life as one in which you must exercise virtue—not because virtue saves you, but because that's the way God's grace gets manifested." Dr. Francis J. Beckwith
WIP
You recommend for Dwasson to:
Take this time to build up your faith,
study scripture,
examine your conscience,
pray often,
start saying the Rosary,
learn about the saints,
and ask God for the grace to accept... the state of your life.
These seem excellent ideals for us all at the start of the new year.
Thanks.
God bless,
NoelFitz.
_________________________________________________
In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
_________________________________________________
I waited 3 years to come to priest to annul. Didn't have to but I did. Just go to confession when
you have truly understood what you did was wrong and God will pardon you.
the first fact, a civil marriage is considered non-valid marriage or is not a marriage in the eyes of the Church, it is considered the same as fornication, because the Church did not Sacrament it by Blessing it where you recieve Gods blessing. So really you are not married. The civil law says you are and are obligated by civil law not Church. Think of it as a mistake and put it behind you never to repeat again.
Man to man, it ain't easy but God is gracious. Get past the sentiments and all the feelings which dangle around and tease keeping you hostage to the past, because it is passed. Tell yourself it is past history daily as much as you need to till the whole thing is but a fleeting memory without identity. To the point you say what was that? Tribunal is not the way. In fact confession is the only thing you should really do because it is not a marriage.
Peace
dwasson I understand your fear and concerns about annulment. But if it is any encouragement I have found out in the last few years that annulments are granted more often ht an they ever were in the past. I say this because about 40% of my Sunday School students have divorced parents and many of them (parents) were able to get their marriage annulled. And this was a subject that came up once during a RCIA class being taught by our parish priest. Even he said it was "easier" than in years past. I didn't ask why nor did anyone else.
As far as the speed of the process, well you are dealing with the Catholic Church and our Mother Church never seems to move rapidly. So be patient.
Many of the commentators here in this forum have a wealth of knowledge. So take heed and read what they have to say.
tarheel
Your place is with the "Communion of Saints" The most blissful society...
Peace
dwasson,
First, man was not made to be alone. Understanding this from the point of view of marriage between a man and a woman can be quite disheartening for those that are not called to be in such a state of grace. However, as John Paul II teaches, in unison with the Church, the "marital" relationship does not only exist between a man and a woman. Priests, religious and chaste layity also participate in a "marital" relationship.
First and foremost, the Father loved the Son. Pray, love the Son first and see what fruits that relationship will bear. There is sound advice in these posts. Prayer, patience and pennance being among them.
Second, how is the Bible study class going?
In Christ,
Remember, the Sun is always shining!
Dwasson,
I too will be applying for an annulment this year as soon as my divorce is finalized. I know everyone here is giving valid feedback, but I also understand the emotional side of this issue and the heartbreak involved. There is a book called Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster which is helpful as to requirments for annulments to be granted, etc. As to your concern that the Church might mistakenly grant you an annulment when one should not be granted, well, I guess that would fall under trusting in the authority of the Church under the guidance of the Holy Spirit to do God's will.
I don't know for what reasons you are divorcing, but usually in the case of devout Catholics the reasons are extremely serious before we resort to (or even consider) divorce. I, too, will accept God's will in this matter. I do not know if I would consider remarriage anyway as the betrayal and damage was so grave (Trust issues and all that). But I was terrified of being single the rest of my life in the beginning.
I understand well that fear of "being alone". I recommend looking-up a healing ministry which would take time to pray over you intensely for healing of this fear. I don't know which state you live in, but there is an amazing ministry in MA if you live here. Fear is not from God, it is from the other guy, and it is used to oppress you, control you, discourage you, and lead you to despair (and all this before you have your response!). Don't fall for it. Fight it! It is not from God!
Forget about all this "condemnation for your past" cr_p! God loves you and has a plan for your life.
I suggest you read this scripture passage out loud at least once a day:
"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
- Jeremiah 29:11
He's talking to you.
Praise Jesus!
A friend of mine found great solace in the book "Abandonment to Divine Providence" by Jean Pierre de la Caussade (I think). I have not read it myself, but I trust her judgement.
Also, you need to immerse yourself in the theology of the Cross. The power and infinite value of suffering. Like "Does Suffering Make Sense" by Shaw. Or JPII's encyclical on suffering. Because if your marriage is valid in the eyes of the Church, yet you are separated (civil divorce), it will be a huge cross for you to carry. However, it will not go unrewarded if you take God's grace (which He WILL give you) and embrace that Cross for His sake.
because the Church does not recognize the marriage as valid, it's considered a mortal sin.
anything outside of marriage is considered fornicating relationship.
if the Church does not validate, Civil marriages as blessed Sacrament, than there's your answer.
talk to a priest to get the whole picture. you have to come to this conclusion on your own. The priest will back up what I just wrote here, because I walked the road years ago.
it does not require annulment process in the Church because it is not recognized, validated, blessed and so forth do you need anymore? So the relationship was purely not even viewed by God as a Marriage. That is the bottomline what God thinks.
Peace
bhokuto,
In this area, it seems you don't know what you speak of. (Having gone through the process yourself does not necessarily give you the "right" to say what you want.)
If the Church grants an annulment, it does not then say "So you were living in mortal sin all this time!"
Please ask the Spirit for words of love and truth to help a fellow Christian in time of distress instead of slicing with a razor when one is not needed.
Damon,
In regards to your post where you state, 'I don't want to remarry if there is the risk that by doing so I may be committing adultery', in stating such you have displayed what every man should uphold; a fear of the Lord. For it is the healthy fear of offense against His ways and His commandments that God treasures, and the prayers of suh a man shall not go unheard.
If, when all is said and done in regards to your marriage, your heart understands that she was and is your wife, then your cross may be to remain faithful to He whom will remain ever faithful to you. Living a chaste life, in loving service to God, while at times most difficult, mirrors the relationship that hopefully we all here will come to know.
I pray for your troubled heart and suggest that you turn to Mary, in the Rosary, to intercede for you and your wife that you both find the peace that Jesus brings to the world.
In Christ,
Remember, the Sun is always shining!
There seems to be a little confusion here. The first post referred to a civil divorce. bobo has taken that to mean the marriage was a civil marriage, which is his assumption. The way I read the thread it was a Catholic marriage. If it was, an annulment is necessary for the marriage to be canonically dissolved. If it was a civil marriage, a sincere confession is all that's needed for life to go on.
Peace
I might add that there is no time standard for statements of nullity to be decided upon across the board, since each diocese has its own tribunal. Some dioceses have a reputation for deciding quickly, some for taking longer, some for granting many statements of nullity and others have a reputation for granting few.
If there is a sense that statements of nullity are easier to get these days, it is likely (in my opinon) because of the sacrament being witnessed in many places after astonishingly poor marriage preparation is offered.
dwasson,
I have been through this. Although each case is different, I would just say it is tough on a soul and will load test your faith.
My recommendation is that, even if you think you know it, you read up on what the Church teaches about the sacrament of Holy Matrimony and on statements of nullity, including Pauline and Petrine privilege.
Not knowing your circumstances, you might find it useful to check out some canon law regarding the process also.
Your ex-wife and the witnesses would benefit from doing so as well.
Prepare yourself for a decision either way.
Be open to God's will in all this in the big picture. For example, could God be calling you to a vocation to religious life?
Don't lose hope.
Put yourself at the foot of the Cross and cling to Jesus.
Please know you and your family will be in my prayers.
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