Fishman,
it is good to hear from you.

I admire the fact that you say table grace. It is a wonderful habit and your post has encouraged me to say grace more frequently.

I would not worry too much about saying grace in public. One must discern and I am sure God will be pleased with whatever decision you take in good conscience.

God bless,
Noelfitz.
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IN NECESSARIIS UNITAS, IN DUBIIS LIBERTAS, IN OMNIBUS CARITAS.
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The answer is CHILDREN.
:-)

I struggled with this before having children.
Now? When we sit down at a restaurant and I inadvertantly forget to say grace, inevitably one of them will halt us with the first fork-full saying loudly, "But we haven't said grace yet!" And so we do.

The child is not over-thinking these things like we adults do.
He just knows he's supposed to tell God Thank You.

The lesson learned? Well, first, be like children.
Second, the point is to thank God...not to worry about what others think.

So you simply need to figure out the best way to do that.
We can thank God internally (no need for others to see).
We can thank God externally (so that others see).
There is no right or wrong.

Just ask yourself what your motives are and whether or not you are more concerned about what is right (giving thanks) or about what others think.

There is nothing wrong with saying Thanks in your head. Do you always vocalize your prayers to Our Lord?

If you are with co-workers, do you talk about God with them? Do you pray other prayers out-loud around them? If not, then you are probably only making a show of it to do so before a meal. If so, then you are doing nothing unusual to do so before a meal.

I think you simply need to maintain integrity. And to be able to face Our Lord honestly about what you choose to do. There isn't a right/wrong here. But there is good intentions and bad intentions (as you already pointed out).

thank you all for your insight it has provided me more food for thought.
still I must resolve the conflict of my own motivations as I desire my motivations in all things, especially my relationship with HIM to be pure.

Z,

You wrote:

"Do you believe that it is always necessary to make the sign of the cross before and after you pray to show your Catholicism? Maybe this is one of your problems."

Of course not. Pray in any way you like and are comfortable with. But pray. Prayer is good.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
(New Revised Standard Version, 1 Th 5:16-19).

God bless,
Noelfitz.
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IN NECESSARIIS UNITAS, IN DUBIIS LIBERTAS, IN OMNIBUS CARITAS.
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It's like taking a pew at Mass. Do I sit up front where my children and grandchildren can feel more apart of what is going on by the watching liturgical actions but run the risk of others saying that I am taking a position of importance and false piety? Or do I sit at the very back of the Church so that others will think I am falsely pious and am trying to be like the sinful tax collector?. Personally, I think Lpioch is more correct and agree that over thinking our actions can mess us up. Me, I do what I want, say want I need to say, do want needs to be done and try not to give a darn worrying about what others think. If I did I would have become an atheist or left the big “C” catholic Church many years ago. Hence my cyber persona "Zaccheaus" (less the second c of course!). In my “real time” life I am far too much like the majority of you, uhmm…that would be orthodox conservative, but that old man only exists outside of cyber time!

Noel, the middle of the Church is for cowards (no disrespect intended). Middle of the churchers have no passion, they usually are your critizers: and whiners: too much clapping, not enough clapping, too boring, not traditional enough, too touchy-feely, no community, music is too fast, too slow, to old, too knew yada...yada..yada. As Chair of our Parish Pastoral council I hear it all. Makes me really wonder if there is salvation anywhere in the Catholic Church.

Zac, et al -

We sat in front because of that tendency in any weak soul - okay, MY weak soul - to look toward any other weak soul at certain sins refered to in the homily - "I hope you're hearing THAT one, So-n-so!" The only Person I faced was God Himself, so near to His throne tabernacle, His 'alter Christus' priest and His altar of sacrifice. In fact, we loved that pew right in between the tabernacle altar (the 'throne' had its own altar in that local palace of His) and the main altar. Right in center-front of us was the pulpit. The whole Mass and homily both lifted and indicted only me, in my line-of-sight and in my spirit. Besides, I am princeling-son of our God - why can I not sit where my King and Father can see me, smile upon me, frown at me?

Now, when I get out of being a shut-in and get to Mass (usually when I want to get to regular Confession), I sit in front to aid the Communion minister to bring The Eucharist to my pew. I don't stand very well, AND I can stay on my knees in the pew and receive the Lord in my mouth rather than my hand.

I have no problem making our Sign of the Cross in public. Then again, I am a very imposing body of a person, and carry a walking stick (as a veritable cane) that children love - it has a carved bear's head on top - one of my nicknames was 'the Bear'. Adults might realize such a shoulder-high stick can be used like the staff of a hand-to-hand fighter. The Sign as does the bear's ("Teddy to the litle ones) marks my faith and pacific nature to the kids, who are 'uncluttered' observers - only an alleged adult could complain, but likely won't with a man who looks like he just may take lessons from the fighting arm of the Knights Templar. :)